"Ready, Aim, Marry Me" is the tenth episode of Arrested Development's second season.
With the company in dire financial straits and the Bluths no longer the primary shareholders, Michael must turn to old family friend "Uncle" Jack Dorso for financial assistance. Uncle Jack, however, wants something in return.
Michael Bluth arrives home to find his mother Lucille in a state of agitation. She's concerned that Lucille Austero is making a power play by buying up shares of Bluth Co. Michael asks his son George Michael if he wants to put together the date basket that he received for bidding on Sally Sitwell at the charity auction. Because he tried to deliver the basket to Sitwell industries and was told that Sally wasn't in—even though he saw the back of somebody's blonde head in the conference room—he has decided to cancel their date. However, it was actually Stan trying on a new wig.
Tobias received the same package but, wanting to make sure everything would be to Lindsay's liking, inadvertently used up his free body chocolate and hotel stays himself. Michael gives Tobias his basket. At the office, G.O.B. tells Michael that he thinks Lucille 2 is making a move with her shares because somebody hung up when he answered her phone. The caller ID indicated that it was Stan Sitwell, who was also interested in Lucille 2. Michael begins to think that Sitwell and Lucille 2 are working on a business deal. Michael asks Lindsay to go over to Sitwell's company and investigate.
In the attic of the model home, George Sr. has become wedged underneath the furnace while chasing a sourball that had rolled out of his pocket. Eventually, Michael rescues him and mentions his fears of Lucille 2. George Sr. realizes that the company needs money and suggests bringing in "Uncle Jack" Dorso. Dorso, a friend of George Sr.'s father, first achieved success in the 1940s while appearing in the radio and film serial Red McGibbon and Bullet: Nazi Hunters. The actor who played Red McGibbon was eventually arrested for his Communist sympathies, and Jack made one failed attempt at going solo as Bullet. After that, he opened a series of gyms, an idea that he stole from Red during a prison visit. Jack annually performed feats of strength on his birthday, but lost the use of his legs on his 70th birthday when he tried to squat 350 pounds. George Sr. warns Michael that Jack always wants something in return for a favor, and tells him to ask Lucille if she'd be willing to "take another bullet for the family".
The family gathers at Lucille's to solicit Uncle Jack, who arrives in the arms of his muscular assistant, Dragon. Michael makes his request to Jack, who makes it clear that if Michael sets Jack up with Lindsay, he will bail out the company. Michael, knowing that Lindsay is attracted to Dragon, sets up a romantic weekend for Jack and Lindsay, who thinks the romantic weekend is with Dragon.
Buster, meanwhile, has decided to pursue Lucille 2 once more, and he and G.O.B. spy on Lucille and Sitwell. When Maeby tells Michael that Tobias has left with his romantic gift basket, he heads for the hotel to cut off Tobias. Seeing Jack, Dragon and Lindsay arriving, Michael takes off on the romantic horseride with Tobias. Michael, Tobias, Lindsay, Jack, Dragon, Buster, G.O.B., Lucille 2, and Stan Sitwell are now all enjoying - to varying degrees - the getaway package at the hotel.
In the massage tent, Michael is trying to tell Tobias that Lindsay won't be showing up when G.O.B. and Buster pounce in, announcing that they saw Lindsay with Jack and Dragon. The group then jumps in on Lucille 2 and Sitwell. Realizing that Lucille and Stan are entangled romantically (and not fiscally), Michael tries to stop the plan. Buster, upset that G.O.B. was actually sleeping with Lucille 2 (and not spying on her for the company as he claimed), attacks G.O.B. Lucille 2, upset at the family's tricks, decides that she will now sell her shares. Tobias, having discovered Lindsay with Jack and Dragon, fights Jack for Lindsay's love. Tobias loses when Dragon hurls Jack at Tobias, sending both of them to the floor. This act of bravery rekindles Lindsay's interest in Tobias, and Lindsay asks Dragon to pick up Tobias and take him home. Michael carries Jack home, for which Jack agrees to buy the controlling shares of Bluth Company.
- Martin Short as Uncle Jack Dorso
- Greg Wrangler as Wrangler Jeff
- Nancy Schnoll as Sitwell Secretary
- Jack Jason as Activity's Director
- Dan Cole as Stylist
- Troy R. Brenna as Dragon
- Bill O'Reilly - Michael mentions the FOX news anchor, saying that the Bluth Company is a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's "Most Ridiculous Item of the Day."
- Edgar Winter - Stan Sitwell says that he looks like Edgar Winter in his long blonde wig.
- Jack LaLanne - Uncle Jack resembles the internationally known body builder, who (like Uncle Jack) was 90 years old at the time the episode was filmed.
- Abbreviated cursing - Buster abbreviates the word "bitch" to "B." He has also abbreviated the word "screwing" to "essing" in "Pier Pressure", and "rape" to "R" in "The One Where Michael Leaves".
- Catlike Agility - Buster’s demonstration of “these kinds of skills” closely mirrors Tobias’s demonstration of “this kind of agility” in "Justice Is Blind".
- Buster Says Hey - Buster greets Uncle Jack with “Hey, fake uncle Jack.”
- Buster Censoring - Buster once again uses the first letter in a curse/foul word, rather than saying the word itself.
- Tobias is Gay - Although Tobias's questionable sexuality has always been a source of humor on the show, this episode has an especially high number of jokes about it.
- Tobias says "Oh, that is quite a basket you’ve got there, Michael." Michael seems worried by this, until he realizes that Tobias is referring to the gift basket on the table.
- Tobias makes one of his most innuendo-filled lines when he says "I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands."
- Tobias immediately assumes that Michael is taking him to the romantic getaway, then goes on to suggest that he will share a horseback ride with Michael, and the two will dip each other in body chocolate.
- Tobias comments on Michael setting up him and Lindsay on a romantic getaway, telling him that he's "quite the cupid," saying "I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks any time."
- Tobias ignores Michael's comments on his poor phrasing of words, and offers him a lick of butterscotch.
- Maeby tells Michael that Tobias wanted to "thank him for the romantic getaway," and that he "left, dressed all westerny." She tells him to leave her out of that, immediately making the homosexual connection in her mind. Unfortunately, Michael says "I screwed my brother-in-law" (referring to how he's taking advantage of him), which only furthers Maeby's suspicions.
- Tobias mentions that Jeff, the horse-worker at the Four Seas hotel, doubts Lindsay is coming. Michael reveals that Lindsay is not coming, so Tobias ends up taking the horseback ride with Michael. Later, Tobias says "Well, you certainly didn’t help my reputation as a ladies man with Jeff. But we’ll clear all that up in the spa when I get my facial."
- To make the horse go faster, Tobias slaps Michael's buttocks rather than the horse's.
- Tobias offers Michael body chocolate, which he also did to two total strangers earlier in the episode, regardless of the fact that one of them was male.
- Michael mentions that he used the word "afraid" in the Jacuzzi, to which Tobias replies "And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy."
- Tobias refers to Stan Sitwell as "Miss."
- When Tobias listens to his tape recordings, he can't see what's wrong with the line "even it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up," which was also used in "Queen for a Day". The next recording is "Oh, I’ve been in the film business for a while, but I just can’t seem to get one in the can," where Tobias merely says it's out of context. The last recording is simply "I wouldn’t mind kissing that man between the cheeks," which can simply not be interpreted in any other way. However, Tobias misses this too, and calls himself a "blowhard," adding even more to the innuendo.
- Vertigo - G.O.B. mentions Lucille 2's vertigo, something that was first established in "Key Decisions", and was later cured (then triggered again) in "Queen for a Day".
- Wolf Howl - This is the second episode where George Sr. howls like a wolf to alert Michael. He first did this in "Burning Love".
- Lindsay Becoming President - When Lindsay tells Michael that she's going to be the new company president, she makes the same face and exuberant laugh that Tobias used in talking about becoming an actor in "Pilot".
- Background Line - While Michael and Tobias are in the tent, G.O.B. can be heard yelling "That was the towel guy," most likely referring to how Buster kept using the sleeper hold on everyone.
- Bullet - Uncle Jack was known as "The Bullet," a name which he continues to refer back to, notably with his signature move of "shooting" someone with himself, which is essentially just somebody throwing Uncle Jack's body at another person.
- When Uncle Jack reveals he's Lindsay's date, he says "She’s not with him! She’s with the Bullet!" This is a reference back to George Sr.'s line "Talk your mother into taking another bullet for the Bluth family," referring to how Uncle Jack once did a similar thing to Lucille at some point (which is also hinted at when Uncle Jack first sees Lindsay in the penthouse).
- Jack Dorso - Jack Dorso's name sounds very similar to "jacked torso"—a reference, of course, to Uncle Jack's perennially jacked torso ("jacked" being a slang term typically used to describe anyone who is strong and muscular).
- Portia de Rossi - When G.O.B. says that what he's doing for the family is (bleep)ing Lucille 2, Lindsay says "Oh, I could do something like that." Portia de Rossi, the actress who plays Lindsay, is a lesbian.
- Spin Class - Stan Sitwell and Lucille 2 both go to spin class, where they presumably meet again, having first met at the country club when G.O.B. and Lucille 2 joined Michael, Sally Sitwell, and Stan Sitwell.
- In "Marta Complex", Buster's line "I thought you had class," although possibly referring to class in the sense of dignity, poise, etc. also implied that Lucille 2 attended a class. In this episode, we learn this is the class Buster was possibly referring to.
- Dramatic music plays when George Sr. says that Uncle Jack was his father's friend. Although this has never been explained, fans theorize this line implies that the actor who played Red McGibbon is his father (as he is essentially the only thing close to a "friend" that Uncle Jack appears to have). If this is true, it would certainly add a level of irony to the show, since the actor who played Red McGibbon was also jailed for crimes of treason.
- → See more quotes from "Ready, Aim, Marry Me" at Transcript of Ready, Aim, Marry Me.
- This episode features the introduction of Lindsay's chicken dance. She is the second character to perform one, after G.O.B. Lucille's first appears in "Spring Breakout", and George Sr.'s in "For British Eyes Only".
- The episode's title takes its name from Uncle Jack's flop romantic comedy.
- This is the first Season Two episode in which Ann neither appears nor is mentioned. This occurs again only once in the season, in "Sword of Destiny".
- This is Martin Short's first and only appearance as Uncle Jack, although the character is mentioned again in "Hand to God" and "Making a Stand".
- This episode marks the final season 2 appearance of Stan Sitwell and Lucille 2. Sitwell returns in Season Three's finale, "Development Arrested".
- Closed Captioning - Although it is Starla who says Buster's name in the "Army stealth training" flashback, Closed Captioning incorrectly attributes the voice to Lucille 2.
- → See 81 pictures from Ready, Aim, Marry Me at Images from Ready, Aim, Marry Me.
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